Questions Kids Come Up With, Part 2

by loveandothercrap

I was asked to write about some more questions my children ask me. If you haven’t seen the first part yet, you can read it here.

I’m asked roughly 200 questions a day, per kid. Some are normal questions that you can answer easily enough, like “Why do I have to wear pants?” but these questions I am about to share with you are not like that.

*After telling Girl Child she is a pretty little girl*
GC: What’s pretty?
Me: It means you’re gorgeous.
GC: What’s gor-gi-us?
Me: It’s means I think you are beautiful.
GC: What’s boo-t-ful?
Me: It means you are not ugly.
GC: What’s ugly?
Me: …I really don’t know how to explain this if you can’t understand all the other words.
GC: Try!
Me: It means I like your face and hair and eyes and nose and stuff!
GC: I love your face.
Me: …woot!

*After Girl Child walked in on Boy Child change his clothes, while he was totally and 100% naked*
GC: Why brother have tail?
Me: Because all boys have tails.. it’s to help Mommy know he’s a boy…
GC: Will I get tail?
Me: Uh, no…
GC: I want tail
Me: Er…
GC: Can you make me tail?!
*So I spent 10 minutes making a paper tail, but I designed it like a cat’s tail. Put it on her, hanging off her behind… like a cat, only for her to turn it around to wear between her legs. It’s been destroyed now and she hasn’t asked for a new one… yet.*

*Shortly before bedtime*
Boy Child: Why do we have to go to sleep?
Me: Because it’s bedtime.
BC: Why can’t I stay up later, like you?
Me: Because you are little and need more sleep.
BC: I’m not little!
Me: Littler than me!
BC: Not for long! You even said that!
Me: Way to throw my words back at me, kid.
BC: So can I stay up?
Me: No, sorry, Mommy needs some much needed Mommy time. Alone…
BC: Can I stay up on the weekend?
Me: I suppose, if we have nothing planned for the next day.
*Weekend arrives. Boy Child is asleep before normal bedtime… Win win for me!*

*After dressing his sister in a dress*
BC: Can I wear a dress?
Me: Well, dresses are normally meant for girls, but… if you really, really want to… I guess you could wear one in the house.
*He puts on one of my skirts*
BC: I don’t like it… my pee pee is jiggling!
Me: *facepalm*

BC: Why can’t penguins fly?
Me: Because they are swimmers instead.
BC: But they have wings.
Me: Yes, but they use them to swim instead.
BC: But if they could fly, they wouldn’t be eaten, right?
Me: Probably…
BC: So why won’t they fly??
Me: I don’t know… I guess they don’t like heights.

*After reading a dinosaur book*
BC: Why aren’t dinosaurs alive anymore?
Me: Because they all got old and passed away.
BC: You’re old, right?
Me: Uh… older than you….
BC: So, why aren’t you dead if you are as old as a dinosaur?
Me: …I’m not that old!
BC: Yes you are!
Me: Grandma is older than me and she is alive!
BC: Wow! Do you think she saw a dinosaur??
Me: No… and don’t go asking her that. She might tear out my eyeballs.

BC: Where’s your mom?
Me: Grandma is my mom.
BC: No she isn’t….
Me: Where do you think Grandma came from then?
BC: From the Grandma Fairy… duh!
Me: Oh…
*goes to tell Grandma she was sent by a fairy to us.*

*After watching Snow White*
BC: Why don’t we have deer and rabbits to help us clean?
Me: I wish I knew… really, really wish.
BC: Maybe if you sing to them they will help!
Me: I can’t sing…
BC: Oh and you’re too old…
*Boy Child runs off and tells Girl Child to sing to get some animals to help us clean*
GC: *singing a random, no real word song to the window*
BC: It’s not working… Is Girl Child broken??
Me: No! Maybe she is too young.
*Girl Child randomly broke out into song for 3 days straight after this. Still no animals in sight willing to help me clean.*

Boy Child: Why do we have skin?
Me: To protect your bones and to keep your blood in your body.
BC: Can we trade skin?
Me: No!
BC: Why not?
Me: It would hurt too much. Besides I went through too much pain to have you born with that skin. Keep it!
*Spent the remainder of the day looking over my shoulder.*

Girl Child: Can you get my booger?
Me: Where is this booger?
GC: In my nose.
Me: You want me to pick a booger out of your own nose?
GC: Yeah!
Me: Do you hate me?

*Asked while I was pregnant with his sister*
BC: Why did you eat a baby?
Me: I didn’t eat a baby.
BC: Then why is there a baby in your tummy?
Me: Because God put her there.
BC: Do you throw up the baby later?
Me: Not quite.
BC: Does the baby come out of your belly button?
Me: No…
BC: Do you poop the baby out??
Me: I changed my mind… the baby does come out of my belly button!
BC: You’re lying.
Me: Yup. But you’re 4, you got years before I can tell you the real answer.
*Boy Child thinks about it*
BC: Will I ever eat a baby?
Me: No. You’re a boy. Boys don’t get to have babies in their tummy. And I didn’t eat a baby!!
*He still believes I ate a baby….*

BC: Can I go to the moon?
Me: Sure, if you go through all the proper training and stuff.
BC: When do I start?!
Me: You have to be a little older than 7 years old…
BC: So… when I turn 8??
Me: We’ll discuss it then, kid.

BC: Why do we have two legs, but dogs and cats have 4?
Me: Because that is how God made us.
BC: You think if I asked God for 2 more legs, he’d give them to me?
Me: Um… well, I don’t know. I think he has more important things to do than to give you more legs…
BC: Can I try?
Me: Sure.
*Boy Child prayed for a week straight, asking for two more legs so he could be like a dog or cat. He finally decided crawling on his hands and knees works just as well.*

GC: Why I fart?
Me: You must have had gas.
GC: What gas?
Me: Stuff in your belly that needs to be released.
GC: You fart?
Me: Everyone farts. Some just don’t do it in front of people.
GC: Can you fart now?
Me: I cannot fart on command. Sorry!
*She followed me around for the rest of the day, going room to room with me, hoping for proof that Mommy farts.*