Kids Say the Darnest Things

by loveandothercrap

I swear I have some of the most bizarre conversations with my children.

Today, Boy Child came up to me after dinner, wanting to know where snow came from. When I answered it fell from the sky, he was not fully pleased with that answer.

“But rain comes from the sky,” he said.

“Well, yes. Snow is frozen rain, basically.”

“Why is it frozen?”

“Because it’s cold outside.”

“Oh… Where does the rain come from, then?”

“The clouds.”

“Oh… I thought rain was when God was peeing.”

“Um… why did you think that?”

“Because thunder is his farts!”

I can’t figure out where that logic came from. In the end he rolled his eyes at me, his sign that I am “not with it” and that he is done with the conversation.

Of course, Girl Child clearly has her own weirdness going on.

Earlier today I saw her fall on her bottom from the corner of my eye. She never cried because frankly she landed on a pillow, with a cushioned diaper butt. But I didn’t jump up and check her over right away. That’s the world’s biggest sin in her eyes.

“Mommy, my butt hurts,” she fake-whined.

“Uh oh. Why is that?”

“Because it wants too…” said with the most serious little look a 3 year old can muster.

Trying to fight back the giggles her answer and face are trying to unleash, I said, “I’m sorry. What do you want me to do about it?”

“Kiss it better.” As she turns around trying to stick her butt in my face.

“I’m not kissing your butt.”

“Why????” You’d think I was refusing her something serious, like food or shelter!

“Because that’s icky. It’s your butt!”

“Hug it!”

“I’m not hugging your butt, Girl Child.”

I was met with a fake-teary eyed expression. Ladies and gentlemen, my 3 year old could be nominated for an Oscar with some of her dramatic expressions.

“Tell it no-no then!”

“You want me to scold your butt?” I couldn’t help it, the giggles had been unleashed at this point.


“Ok… Bad butt, stop hurting. Is it better now, Girl Child?”

“Yep! Thanks, Mommy!”

And I got a hug and kiss for telling off her sore bottom before she ran off into the living room to play with her stuffed animals while singing, “I love my coconut!”

I swear I do not know where my children learn these things. Just glad they are asleep finally, probably dreaming up more weird things to wonder about tomorrow.

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